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WHAT HO, WHAT HO, WHAT HO!
I WAS CONDUCTING MY DAILY PERAMBLE ABOUT THIS FINE ESTABLISHMENT WHEN I STUMBLED UPON THIS SPLENDID CONJUCTION. I SAID TO MYSELF, "I SAY, I MUST REALLY JOIN THIS SOCIETY POST-HASTE AND OFFER THEM MY FINEST GREETINGS!" AND HERE I AM, OFFERING UP THE BEST CONDOLENCES TO YOU ALL. IT IS A MOST SMASHING COALITION YOU HAVE RUNNING AND I LOOK FORWARD TO HAVING A LITTLE CHAT OVER HIGH TEA SOMETIME. PIP PIP!
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WHAT IF SHE WAS LOST *AND* BESPECTACLED?



I LOVE IT HERE ALREADY; I KNEW THAT CRAVAT I PROCURED WOULD COME IN HANDY EVENTUALLY.
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I QUITE ENJOY DICKENS
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WHAT HO! WHAT HO! I BID A GOOD EVENING TO ALL THE GENTLE MEN AND GENTLE LADIES PRESENT THIS MOST SPLENDID NIGHT. I HAVE COME FORWARD TO SHARE AN AMUSING ANECDOTE STORY WITH A "PUNCH" LINE THAT WILL SURELY HAVE ALL THE COMMUNITY A-FIRE WITH LAUGHTER, OR "LOL" AS THE METROPOLITANS MAY SAY. BUT I DIGRESS!

A MUTILATED HARLOT, A TORY, A MUSTACHIOED ROBBER-BARON, A FREE SILVER DEMOCRAT, AND A BOMB WEILDING ANARCHIST ALL MEANDER INTO AN ALCOHOL VENDING ESTABLISHMENT AT THE SAME TIME. THE BAR-TENDER LOOKS UP AND SAYS, "OUT WITH YE, FREE SILVER DEMOCRAT! THIS BE AN INSTITUTION OF FAMILY QUALITIE!"

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HELLO, WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS DUMP THEN?

...

OOOH CANAPÉS!

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GOOD EVEN TO MY FELLOW SOCIETY MEMBERS. I HOPE THE CESSATION OF YOUR SUMMER IS PASSING IN A TRULY CAPITAL MANNER (I HAVE MADE A BIT OF A JOKE! I DO HOPE IT ISN'T UNBECOMING!) I HAVE MADE A MOST INTERESTING DISCOVERY TODAY WHICH I WISH TO SHARE WITH YOU, HOPEFULLY TO THE MUTUAL SATISFACTION OF ALL INVOLVED.

ONE OF MY FEMININE FOIBLES IS A DEAR FONDNESS FOR THE WORK OF THOSE FELLOWS AND MADAMS WHO MAKE A LIVING WRITING ABOUT THE EVENTS OF SPORT; I FIND THE WAY IT CAPTURES THE IMMUTABLE, RESILIENT NATURE OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT IN VICTORY AND DEFEAT MOST SATISFYING. SUBSEQUENTLY, IN THE MID-DAY OF THIS DAY OF OUR LORD I FOUND MYSELF READING A COLLECTION OF WRITINGS BY A MOST FAMOUS MEMBER OF THIS MOTLEY CORPS. HE WAS WRITING OF ANOTHER MAN, A FELLOW OF A SCHOLARLY BENT HOLDING THE TITLE OF DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY, AND THIS SPORTS-WRITER SPOKE OF HIS LIFE AND HIS FAMILIARITY WITH A PASTIME MOST OF US WILL RECOGNIZE QUITE WARMLY:

"HIS ONLY IMMODERATION APPEARS TO BE HIS LOVE OF BOWLING AND HIS PROFLIGATE EMPLOYMENT, WHEN HE WRITES, OF WORDS IN CAPITAL LETTERS."

MY, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF AS I DROPPED THE BOOK IN MY LAP IN EXCITEMENT. I MUST MARK THIS WELL IN ORDER TO BEST CONVEY IT TO MY COMPATRIOTS AT A LATER DATE! FOR I KNOW HOW MANY OF US ENJOY BOWLING!
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TO ALL & S. I PUT THIS QUESTION:

IS THERE ANYONE YOU ARE CATEGORICALLY NOT? I MYSELF HAVE INSISTED ON NUMEROUS OCCASIONS THAT I AM IN NO WAY DUPLICITOUSLY, OR CLANDESTINELY IF YOU MUST KNOW, LOUISE BROOKS. THE BARE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT I AM NOT LOUISE BROOKS IN THE SLIGHTEST.

THIS WOULD BE AN OPPORTUNE TIME TO DO AWAY WITH ANY MISUNDERSTANDINGS, MISTAKEN IDENTITIES, POORLY ENACTED SEVEN-DOOR SCENES, MASQUERADES, OR WRONG-GENTLEMAN-IN-THE-DRAPERY MOMENTS THAT HAVE BEEN CLOUDING YOUR OTHERWISE PLUMP EXISTENCES.

YOURS UNMENDACIOUSLY,
NOT LOUISE BROOKS

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I BID YOU GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS, MY CAPITAL COMPANIONS! I HAVE HERE FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT A RATHER DROLL COMBINATION OF SOUND AND IMAGE. OUR FEATHERED FRIENDS UNDERSTAND THE JOYS OF FOPPERY AS WELL, IT APPEARS!
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I AM HEARING CONCERNING MESMERISM HYPNOTISM, ELECTROBIOLOGY AND TABLE TURNING?

I AM LOOKING FOR A CURE FOR MY FEMALE NERVES AND MY NOVEL READING AND AM HOPING THESE SCIENCES MAY SHED SOME LIGHT ON THESE FRAILITIES.

HAS ANYONE HAD ANY LUCK W/THESE AS A TREATMENT FOR FEMALE PEEVISHNESS AND INCLINATIONS?

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